When we die...

It all began one day when we were driving by a cemetery.  Ezzie asked me what all of the rocks were.  I explained that when people die, they are put in the ground and the rock shows us where they are.  He was upset by this, and told me he didn't think people should be put there when they died.  I then asked him where they should be put.  He didn't know, so I told him that they could be put in the street and other areas.  He was ok with that idea until I explained that we would run over them with our cars.  He then thought the burying idea was the better option.  Yes, that is how I reasoned that one - I do love the age of 4 where logic is understood - well, sometimes :)

Since then, Ezzie talks about death fairly regularly.  He is definitely this mama's boy.  He, like me, when tired, sad, or simply off, finds himself walking down the alleys of melancholy and sad thoughts.  Jon frequently is talking me through sadness, fear, and grief at night, and now I am doing the same for my boy.

So, death.  It is a topic.  It is hard, and it is good.

Last night was the clincher of conversations.  As Ezzie told me he didn't want to live with Jesus, because he wouldn't be with us, he told me how he never wanted to be apart from me.  As he spoke, I replied back the same with words and tears.  We talked about things relating to death and heaven and such, and we both agreed that death was sad, but we both shared the happiness in being free from getting our feelings hurt, experiencing being really angry and mad, and the emotions we both can understand about one another.

I walked away with tears still left in my eyes and such a full heart.  This is what being a parent is about.  This is the trust I want with my kids.  I want them to be able to talk to me about anything without the fear of being judged, ridiculed, lectured at, or feeling silly.  While I am mommy, and they do need to obey and respect me, I am also mommy who invites them in and allows them their space to be themselves and make their own choices.  It is a strange dynamic at times, while it is also so natural.  

Death will continue to be a discussion, as will other hard topics, and I welcome them.  Not because I have anything important to say, but because I get to journey with my kids.  Jon gets to journey with them.  We get to be close in heart and spirit - not just body and behavior.

Jalapenos - Go Gloveless!

A few years ago I found myself cutting a bunch of jalapenos.  As I was cutting through them all I had no idea about the fate awaiting my gloveless hands.  My hands burned... I woke up throughout the night because of the pain.

I have avoided cutting them since.  When I have had one to cut, I've just done a few big chops without touching the fleshy green.  I don't keep gloves on me, forget to grab them at the store, and simply don't want to spend the money if I don't have to.

About a month ago I discovered how to dice a jalapeno without using gloves, and without burning my fingers.  Not a single tinge of pain entered my fingertips.

Maybe this technique is commonly known, but just in case it isn't, and you don't want to bother with gloves either, this is for you!

First, position your jalapeno on your cutting board - only hold the stem.

 Take your knife and make slices beginning close to the stem, and move the knife through the tip.  Continue holding the stem.

 Rotate the jalapeno 90 degrees either direction.  Make similar slices just as you did before.

Now, begin cutting so your knife is running vertically (all while continuing to hold the stem).  You will have perfectly diced jalapenos and not a bit of burn on your gloveless hands!  Happy cutting!

Lemon Bars - Irresistible!

So... without further adieu - here is the recipe.  My mom made these for us growing up.  These lemon bars, in addition to the no bake cookies and zebra brownies, were my favorite treat.  I don't know where she discovered this recipe, but I am sure glad she did and shared them with me.

They aren't the healthiest, but they are incredible in flavor and texture.  I recommend changing nothing about the recipe.

Lemon Bars
Ingredients:
(Crust)
- 2 C Flour
- 1/2 C Powdered Sugar
- 1 C Butter
(Lemon amazingness)
- 4 Eggs
- 2 C Granulated Sugar
- 1/3 C Fresh Lemon Juice
- Pinch of Lemon Zest
- 1/4 C Flour
- 1/2 t Baking Powder
(Topping)
- Powdered Sugar

Preheat oven to 350

Mix the first 3 ingredients together - either cut in by hand, or use a mixer (I did this - so much easier!)

The texture will be like the sand at the beach.

Before placing it in the 9x13 pan, use the paper from the butter, and grease the pan (thanks Mom for this gem of cooking wisdom!).  Now pat the mixture down.  Gorgeous!

Bake for 20-25 min.  Keep an eye on the crust.  It should begin developing a golden brown edge.  My oven took 18 minutes due to it cooking hot (it is a gas stove).  Remove from the oven.

While your pastry is baking, combine all lemon layer ingredients into your mixer, or bowl if you are using a hand mixer.  Mix until there is a slight froth.  After removing the pastry from the oven, pour the mixture onto the hot pastry.

Place back in the oven for 25 minutes.  My oven took 20 minutes.  You will want the top to develop a nice browning.  It will look overcooked, but don't be fooled!

Immediately, sprinkle with powdered sugar - notice the beautiful snow white against the golden yellow and brown.

Once cooled enjoy - yes, it is best to wait for it to cool... it is so so so hard!

The pastry will be light and flaky.  You will notice that the lemon layer is bright and zings your taste buds ever so gently.  The lemon layer should be ever so smooth.  The browned top should crumble similar to a creme brule, but more tenderly.  You may have to fight yourself to not eat another piece.. just try to share :)