Bathtime and Pandora

As I sit here listening to the kids playing in the bathtub with Jon supervising, and listening to Pandora (I love my "Once" station :)), I am struck by how much I love this night.

Truth be known, Jon and I got off to a rocky start this morning.  We had one of those silent phone conversations around lunch, and didn't really reconnect until he got home from dinner.  He came home with handmade cards for Ezzie and Lina - and me.  His words touched me.  We reconnected - and in the space of embracing both felt completely at peace - in complete humility towards one another.

Then I continued working on dinner with his help corralling the kids, and helping with getting dinner on the table in shifts.  We had some lovely moments with Ezzie and playing in his food - note the sarcasm.  The kids didn't finish their dinners.

Then, like normal, Jon is giving our kids a bath, while I take some space.

I don't know why this is impacting me so much right now - but I am struck by how much I love our simple, hassle-filled, normal, day-to-day.  Just thought I'd share :)

My child is a follower...

and that is a good thing.

Why this shift, you ask?  Well, sometimes it is a change in perspective that makes all the difference.  After talking with a mom of 3 - her oldest being a senior in highschool - I am encouraged with Ezzie.

She really impressed into me the importance of focusing more on teaching Ezzie what or who to follow, rather than worrying about all of the problems that could be faced in him following paths I am afraid of - bullying, being bullied, not respecting authority, not respecting others, not respecting himself, being unkind, etc.  She shared with me about teaching him Who to follow - namely teaching him to follow Christ.  I never had thought of it this way.  This really puts my soul at ease, and encourages me - this is what we want for Ezzie - for him to follow Jesus Christ.  

In our own lives - had it not been for Christ - we would have so much more pain, hopelessness, and uncertainty.  Christ has been our life, our peace, our joy, and our hope - and we want this also for our kids.

Preschool... Just to Clarify

I am not sure how well I communicated the outcome of things with Ezzie's first day last week.  He loved it.  I actually already love how the preschool is set-up and the feedback I got.

This preschool experience is a really good stepping-stone for his schooling experience - especially in relation to my fears about the potential hardships that may occur.  I hope this answers some of the questions asked about whether this is a good experience or not :)

Ezzie's First Day of School...

was this past Wednesday.  He is going to preschool at LETU every week for 2 hours.  It is a really neat program offered to children of people who work at or attend LETU.  The main teacher seems to be a mentor/teacher to college students getting their degrees in education.

Ezzie is a reserved kid when he is uncomfortable or overstimulated who is a follower by nature right now.  As soon as he gets comfortable, however, he can become loud.  When it comes to school - well, I must admit - it scares me.  It scares me that he will be in a classroom where the teacher will not function as an adult - but more like a reactive child who chooses to let the stress of kids and a poor administration dictate his/her approach to students, rather than his/her own passion and desire to be an adult who loves his/her students and chooses to be an adult.  I am afraid Ezzie will be picked on, pushed around, or that he will follow the kids who are loud and bullies, and that there will not be an adult willing to be an adult and step in.  I already see signs that point to this potentially being a problem.

When I dropped Ezzie off, I saw a group of kids we are friends with (about 10?), and a teacher and about 4 other assistants.  They were sitting there, and were engaged.  He walked right in.

I left with bittersweet feelings - excited for him, sad he is entering into school, grateful he is transitioning slowly, scared even more about future decisions, at peace even more about future decisions... such a complex experience of emotions!

I still worry about him as he grows up, and feel helpless so much of the time.  I want to protect him, I want him to see when he is being kind, when he is being unkind, I want him to choose for himself rather than blindly follow what other people are doing.  Overall though - I want him to honor God with his life.  You see - I know I can't be his everything - I don't want to - I make mistakes and bad choices like noone else's business. I am scared to trust him into any situation - but I know I can trust him into God's care and direction.

A good friend of mine encouraged me a week or so back - she passed on advice she had been given - pray to God for wisdom, and wait for His answer.  You see, I want His plan for Ezzie more than my own.  It is hard to trust - I hate feeling like things are out of my control - but I am so glad they are ultimately in His control.

Here are some fun pics from Ezzie's first day - he was SO excited.  Here he is with his friend Livi too.  The milk jugs were for making igloos - they weren't being taught how to milk a cow :)

Generosity

There is something beautiful and life-giving about a person who is generous.  Generous in his/her time, kindness, resources, etc.  There is something that is contagious about a generous person.  I love that generosity implies a lack-of-strings attached, and a genuine desire to give.

I wish I could say that being generous is such a natural overflow for me - but it isn't.  It can be hard to give that $20, that extra hour, that moment of slowing down to help someone.  It can be hard to choose to have an attitude of giving, when I would rather be selfish.

There have been so many people who have challenged, encouraged and shaped my life in regards to being generous.  It is hard to face the ugliness of my selfishness, but it is so worth it.

Someone just recently gaves us an anonymous gift.  This gift could not have come at a more perfect time.  I have been completely humbled through this gift.  We don't deserve it.  I struggle with the fact that I especially don't deserve it, all things considered with the accident this past month, and some lovely miscalculations on my part (and I am the math person!).  I feel awkward and both completely grateful for the gift.  Overall, the concept of mercy and grace really is speaking to me in this.  I am humbled by whoever gave so much to us, and that God cared so much to provide this.

Jon and I live on one main income, and I teach a bit during the week.  While we do have little - especially compared to others around us - Jon and I strive to be generous.  

It is hard to put down in words the depth of my heart - how I have been so touched by another person's gift - how it makes me want to give to others - how it continues to change me and help me be less selfish.  I hope some of this has made sense.

To whoever chose to give to us - we are so thankful.  Your gift is more to us than what it is at face value - it really has touched our hearts.  Thank you for giving to us.  You are among the people who challenge us to love more, and give more.

Two steps forward.. One step back...

It seems that whenever we commit to something new, life in that area becomes harder.  This isn't a foreign experience to me, but for some reason it is really hard to accept right now.  You see, Jon and I are working very hard to be disciplined in our finances.  We are no big spenders by any means, but we are really good at going out for that dinner we just don't want to cook.  I usually am the biggest contributor to this, because when I feel depressed I just stop wanting to do much, and so by the time Jon gets home from work I usually just want to go somewhere.  

You see, this adds up.  Financially, we are trying to pay off debt.. and well, as you can imagine, this issue makes this hard to make much headway on.  

This month we did phenomenal with our budget.. however, we have run into some other issues which will strip us down again.  We are not sharing this to complain, but just to say - it is hard.  It sucks.  It is easy to emotionally want to just throw in the towel.  

BUT... we are still moving forward.  Thankfully Jon and I are really good at helping each other up through struggles.  Thankfully we serve a God who is bigger than all of this.  We can celebrate moving forward this month, and thank God for giving us the strength to move through the hard things hitting us.  Yes, we may not be moving as fast as we like, and February might be a complete bomb... but we are moving together, and we can rest in God having a bigger plan than we see, and His grace.

Walking has FINALLY begun!

Lina is 16 months now... and took her first steps on her own 2 days back.  This mommy was ridiculously happy.  Finally!  Lina and Ezzie are very different (people talk a lot about your children being different from one another... so true!).  Ezzie was the child who would take a long time to learn things.  It took him a couple of months of rocking, crawling backwards, and throwing himself forward before he really crawled.  It took Lina a day.  However Ezzie began his crawling endeavors around 7 months.. Lina, right before her first birthday.  Verbal skills - the same way.  Ezzie practiced a lot.  Lina just began blabbing one day.  So, this whole walking things is not too much of a surprise.

While I do love cuddling with my sweet girl, I have to say that I am tired of not going outside without too much mess.  It is wet outside.  It would be SO nice if she could just walk so she could run around outside with her brother.  Plus the chances of her losing shoes would be lessened... yes, we are in that stage of her losing her shoes :(  I am SO looking forward to her being a walker!

Lina began walking when we were hanging out with our friends - the Bulgriens.  Kim caught it on film.  We laughed the most at the end of the movie.  Lina kind of just rolls over when she is done walking - she cracks me up.

We hope you enjoy this!