A garden

If you checked the color of my thumb, you would see it is black.  Since the dawn of my memories, I have killed every plant I have ever tried to grow - with the exception of a tomato plant a year ago.  We finally got one tomato in about November.  I kid you not - and this was after an entire summer of watering the stupid plant - it is beautiful though, no?

Well, this year Jon convinced me to try gardening.  It kind of freaked me out.  Well, after drawing up diagrams, and convincing Jon that we needed a smaller garden, we began the prep.  We donned our boots (which I LOVE.. thanks Marla!) took our turns tilling, getting fresh compost on a wet day, testing the soil and fertilizing, picking out plants, putting up fencing and prepping.

 

 And then... our garden started growing... real plants.  I cannot tell you how ecstatic I was!  I had very little faith that anything would grow - remember I kill anything I try to grow - with the exception of my kids and dog.  We got our first jalapeno, tomato, green bean shoot, etc.

And I found myself loving each visit to the garden.  It has actually become quite therapeutic!  Our garden is growing.  Part of eating healthier, for us, is trying to grow some of our own crops.  We are really enjoying the fruits that are being harvested already.  The kids also are growing a love for gardening.  It is love.

Those poles are for our cherry tomato plants.. they are over 8 feet tall!

So, we are loving all of our fresh produce.  Our biggest producer, you ask?  Our basil!  Our sweet basil plants are producing so much that I am making pesto (I'll post on this later :)) and freezing it for future meals.  We also have a thai basil plant that almost died, but it is beautiful and bushy now.  We aren't sure when exactly to harvest the leaves, but are so excited that it is alive.

As our garden produces and we make various recipes from it, I will keep you posted :)

And then there was a baby..

6 Months ago we welcomed Anja Joy into the world in a very exciting birthing experience, and our lives were forever changed.  It is hard to remember what life was like with only 2 kids.  With each child, I have not been able to imagine how things would be - how I would be able to love each one in a way that speaks to their needs - how we would even function.  However, even though each child brings with him/her a lot of adjustment and change, s/he also fits so perfectly into our family and us with him/her.  It is amazing how we are created to love so fully, even after we already fully love.  I hope that makes sense :)

So, with Anja came the nagging reality that my health is more fragile than I have given thought to.  I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes three times.  With Ezzie and Lina I was borderline, and simply had to watch my diet and remain active.  With Anja I was still testing borderline, but my body was not functioning well on its own.  I had to take meds each day.  Even though I was taking the lowest dosage I really struggled with feeling like I was doing something wrong.  

My midwife, Sylyna, shared with me that I should consider getting tested about 3 months after Anja was born to see how my body is handling sugars.  Given that I have very little information regarding my biological family's medical history and the little I do know involves brittle diabetes and type 2 diabetes, it was very important for me to see how my body was doing.

So, I went in for testing.  I did not have a positive experience with the doctor.  I left the office feeling like a fool for thinking anything could be wrong with me - after all, I wasn't fat enough or old enough, according to him, to be concerned.  I just have to exercise and eat well.

Well, I got the bloodwork back after calling (they said they would call me... yeah, not impressed with this office), and discovered in my own research that I am bordeline diabetic.  Basically, I have pre-diabetes.

So... now I know I am in the yellow zone.  What do I do?

Well, I struggle with taking care of my own body, and lack a lot of self-discipline in general.  

With my pregnancies I worked hard to eat well and take care of myself because I was not only affecting myself, but my children.  Without being pregnant, the pressure isn't exactly there in the same way - though the reality is there that if I don't care for myself my ability to care for and be with my family may be cut short.

So - what does a girl do?  I follow my own advice to my kids:  I start small.  I try, and when I fail, I try again.  I give myself grace, ask for help, and keep going.

So, this blog will be changing a bit.  I will not be focusing on family updates as much (and you can see how horrible awesome I have done in the past on this :)), but will be sharing about things regarding food and changes we are making in our family diets.  

We are not following a "diet," but are embarking on a journey one step at a time towards health.

I hope you will enjoy the posts that are coming.  Most will have to do with food, and others might just be fun updates on other things in our lives.

Precious Gifts

I'm tired this morning, and so is our entire household.  Lina has been battling some kind of allergic reaction with hives, and just being off.  I have been getting over a random virus I picked up a few days ago.  The storm didn't help either.  It woke everyone up, and Ezzie came to sleep with us.

However, as I laid holding Lina I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by how precious she is.  How she is such a beautiful, sweet, gentle, funny, and loving gift.  With her getting so big, we don't have these extended cuddle sessions where she just sleeps in my arms.  The still happens more with Ezzie than with Lina - simply because he is not in a crib, and will come in during the middle of the night just to cuddle sometimes.  These are the moments that both strip me of my rest, but refresh me with the reminder of how precious my kids are.  The middle of the night cuddle speaks of tenderness to me.

Last night I was reminded of how precious these simple moments are.  How the sacrifices Jon and I make as parents are blessings and gifts as well.  I wouldn't trade this for anything... even a full day of sleep... as wonderful as that sounds right now :)  My coffee will have to suffice for now :)

Responding to others when they share their feelings/perspectives...

"... I was also telling my children over and over again not to trust their own perspectives but to rely on mine instead." - How to Talk So Kids will Listen & Listen So Kids will Talk - Faber and Mazlish

My mother-in-law sent me this book recently while Jon was traveling.  It was a book recommended by one of my favorite mommy-ing blogs - http://lisajobaker.com/ - or the Gypsy Mama.

I have been on a hiatus from reading.  Why?  I have no idea.  For awhile I was plowing through multiple books at a time, so I may have just burnt out.

I got away Saturday night for some space, and hit up Target for my mommy-kidless-shopping-pleasure, and then Starbucks to read.  I began the book.  The first chapter focuses on helping children deal with their feelings.  The book is really practical and encourages readers to engage in activities within and without the book.

This quote at the top was a part of one of the authors sharing her issues with her family that led to making changes in her communication with her kids.  Basically she was negating her kids' feelings and correcting what they shared with her by telling them how they did or didn't feel.  The statement above pulled me in.  I could relate to the author from a child's perspective.  My initial thought was that I didn't want to pass this on to my children.  How tough this is!

Jon has taught me so much regarding the kids and their feelings.  I have watched him and taken in how he helps give Ezzie words to his feelings, and have learned from him how to do this with Ezzie, and now with Lina.

Right now Ezzie is in a stage where he will be angry and try to use his words to hurt.  He will say things he knows we don't like.  We have had many conversations with him about it being ok to tell us he is mad at us, and that he doesn't want to do something, but that he shouldn't try to hurt us with his words.  It is a hard thing to teach, and a narrow line to walk in encouraging him to develop his voice and also teaching him boundaries with the words he chooses to use.

While we are doing pretty good at having an open line of communication with Ezzie, and really listening to him, the author's point takes Jon and I to another level - a place of not negating the feelings Ezzie has.  A place of making sure that we don't tell him how he does and does not feel.  A place of recognizing that just as we want our feelings to be viewed as valid - even when they are not a correct perception of reality - we need to honor our children in the same way.

If we don't we risk causing what the author notes in her statement - we make them dependent on us for how they see themselves, how they feel, decisions they make - and we basically make them question themselves at every turn.  We don't want that.

Today was the first day after reading this, and I found myself thinking more about my responses, especially to Ezzie, and also listening for Jon's.  While we both have been doing a good job of rooting each other on in valuing our children in their perspectives, we definitely can do a better job when it comes to this concept of not placing our perspectives on our children.

Tonight Ezzie was mad at Jon.  Ezzie had coughed in his sister's face on purpose, threw a fit when Jon talked to him about it, and as a consequence had to get out of the bath.  He continued on with comment after comment about things he didn't like - all things he knows he daddy loves.  Jon and I were really stretched in responding to him, and not telling him - "oh, you love those things" - but, instead, asking him why and talking with him.

Oh, to be a parent is so hard.  We want to be perfect.  We want to raise our kids so that they always feel loved, valued, encouraged, challenged, etc... and know that we never failed them.. but we do.

But, I keep remembering, we try again.  We give ourselves grace, we apologize and make right, we reach out and love even when it is hard.  We do this because we want out kids to do this with others, and we need it ourselves.

I don't want our kids' perceptions to be rooted in Jon or I.  Jon and I desire for our kids to learn to rely on God's view of them, and for them to learn how to let truths guide them in how they live.  Things like treating people with kindness, even when they aren't kind; forgiving others; drawing healthy boundaries with people who are unsafe; communicating openly and honestly; respecting themselves, respecting others; loving God; living a life of justice and compassion; knowing when sacrifice is necessary; valuing life.. etc.

This is just a gold nugget I came across that has challenged Jon and I.  I hope it challenges and encourages you too - whether or not you are raising kids.  I find what the author has shared challenging in my adult relationships as well, and have begun to pay more attention to whether I really listen to others - rather than trying to fix things right away.  I like to fix things :)

Cinco Revealed

So... we knew our ultrasound was coming up, and wanted to do something creative.  While we would have loved to have a gender-reveal party to celebrate with close friends and even family, Jon's travels didn't permit this.  After talking about our last ultrasounds, we both came to the agreement that we loved experiencing the gender ultrasound with one another and our kids... but we wanted to share our joy with people close to us in a fun way.

So, after some thinking, this is what we came up with:

Well, we went to our ultrasound and saw our little bundle of joy:

Our Cinco is a thumbsucker!

After seeing Cinco, we celebrated by buying him/her their going home outfit from the hospital with the kids.  We then ate a yummy steak dinner, walked around Hobby Lobby and headed home.

Once home we made our fun cards.. and scratched off our question mark to reveal to you the gender of Cinco :)

Choices

I posted a picture of a 12 week-old fetus, and a friend of mine shared it on her page.  I was really impacted by how perfectly formed a 12 week-old fetus is.  I was also struck, once again, by the confusion people have as to whether a baby is a blob of cells at this point, or a baby.  To me, it is simple.  However, not everyone is me.

One woman commented about the post being anti-choice.  After thinking through what to say, I realized that, no, this wasn't about being anti-choice - it was about educating people on the choices they make.

I began thinking about what abortions entailed as a 9th grader.  I did a presentation, and honestly, I am not sure how I stomached it.  Maybe not really having the internet and accessible pictures saved me - or maybe I was just more insensitive to that kind of stuff before.

Anyways, I digress.

I really walked away from a small facebook conversation wondering how much of a battle is placed because people try to tell others they cannot make their own choices.  I know when someone tells me I can't make a choice it infuriates me - in my mind they have no right to tell me what I can and cannot choose.

I wonder how much the pro-life, or should I say anti-abortion, movement has fueled this fire.

To me, pro-life is not the equivalent of anti-abortion.  Being pro-life entails valuing people through respect, kindness, and fairness.  I believe in justice, being firm, issuing consequences, etc., but when you value others it is shown in your attitude and how you interact with them.  Being anti-abortion is simply being against abortion.  As shown through so many demonstrations and actions, and simply how people live towards others, it is sadly obvious that there are many people who are against abortion, but not for life.

People have choices, and others do not have the right to tell them they cannot make choices.  However, this does not mean that people do not have consequences for their choices - both good and bad.

Just like my children have consequences, so do I as an adult.  Sometimes the consequences in my life are beautiful, sometimes I want to run away from them, because they feel horrible.  However, they are mine, and I need to live with them and through them.  I also need to realize my choices impact others, and consider this when making them.  I am not an island.  However, when I make choices, and have consequences, both good and bad, I need others to walk with me.

While I am not a proponent of abortion, I would not turn my back on someone because they had an abortion or were considering it.  To be truly pro-life, and have life as a consequence of my choices, I choose to love others - even if I don't understand.  Even if I don't agree.  There is a no formula for how this works, and I can't say I would never or always ________, but if I am a true valuer of life - this will be what drives my decisions and how I interact/treat others.

It is hard to really value life and others.  I do wonder how much more people actually valuing others would impact them than people trying to prove their point through acts that demoralize, disrespect, unnecessarily hurt, and devalue others.

There are so many more issues than abortion.. there is neglect, abuse, acts of hatred, etc.  If we really valued one another, I think these issues would be null.  Sadly, this is not a reality for our world - which makes me sad.  But, hey, I can impact my small world around me.  I'm not perfect, but I love the best I can, and work hard to value others.

Pain: Are you a Leper and/or Paralytic?

I have been chewing on something for awhile.  On facebook, a dear friend posted this link:  http://us4.campaign-archive.com/?u=1b9db7cc806d7872a056ae190&id=f1fe152d89.  It is titled: The Healing of the Leper and the Paralytic.  Before I write more, I must say it is probably better for you to read it yourself than rely on my summary :)  Basically, the author discusses how when the Leper was healed, the person went from a loss of feeling and pain, to having these senses restored.  The Paralytic went from experiencing excruciating pain that was not an indicator of a problem, but the problem itself, to no longer experiencing this excessive pain.  The point of the author was the restoration of each to a true experience of pain/feeling - and this is good.

Pain is an indicator that something is wrong.  Like the leper, if we are so deadened to our emotions/feeling/experiences, we do not experience this pain that is an indicator of a problem.  If we are constantly reading more into our experiences and feeling things that aren't even a result of reality, we are experiencing more pain than necessary, and probably in a state of constant confusion over why the reality of things don't line up with our experiences.

Like most people, pain is not something I like to experience.  I can see how pain has proven to be a great teacher, an indicator of something wrong, and a director to my need for healing after time.. but it takes time.  Lots of it.

I began thinking about how I respond to pain.  At first I could relate with the Leper.  I often struggle to let myself experience my own emotions and such when caught in the middle of a situation.  In college I realized that I often would get physically sick as a result of stress and problems months after it occurred.  Today I am not nearly this bad, but I usually do not even realize I feel pain until after a conversation or an event has occurred.

I also realized I am very much like the Paralytic as a result of my Leper-ness.  I often find myself imaging the worst-case scenerio later, and feel every emotion under the sun - and, yes, they are definitely not necessary. I stress into the evenings, and stress.  For me, this is a way I protect myself.  Since I struggle with knowing my pain in the moment, I want to have a handbag of ways to respond in case I am faced with something later.. and no, this method never works!

I see the author's point, and my heart resonates with the desire for me to experience pain as is healthy - the type of pain that is an accurate picture of reality, and brings with it steps towards health and healing.

Recently, I have been walking through some hurt.  I have found myself bouncing around between a Leper and Paralytic by this author's analogy.  However, I have been so encouraged by the challenge in this article.  I have been praying for God to heal the hurt that is caused, for direction on whether there is anything I need to do, finding my strength in God to step out of my wild imagination, and asking God to use this pain for good.  I wish I could say this experience was lovely.. but, honestly, while I am grateful for growing, I still do not like pain.

As I work through my own things, I always think of my kids - as you read every time you link to this blog :)  I still remember a quote that went something like this: Become who your want your children to become.  Since my years in college, this has stuck with me.  In so many ways they are my inspiration to become healthier.. even if that means being more vulnerable, taking more risks, and going through pain - the kind that corrects my bad patterns of Leperness and Parlyticalness (word???), and the kind that is a true indicator of what is wrong and needs healing and fixing.