Parenting

Over the course of my life, I have been blessed to have awesome colleagues.  Today I was especially impressed by this as I talked and laughed with two women who make me smile whenever I think of them.  Both of these ladies do not have kids right now, and are surrounded by women who have just joined the birthing club.  They are the few who have not embarked on that journey - which, I want to interject, is awesome.  It bothers me when people pressure others to have kids.. anyways, that is not where this post is going, and so I'll stop.  Being the few grants them the fun of hearing the non-stop mommy talk about brands, pooping, boobies, and other awesome topics.

As we laughed about all of the fun topics that have come up, and the women who are passionately obsessed  I was struck by a sense of truth in myself.  I think I have had my bouts where I was one of those women who drove my friends crazy.  Non-intentionally, but still... if you know me well, you know that if something has gotten me excited I have a hard time not sharing it.  The poor people in the grocery store probably run now when they see my face light up over a bag of limes clearanced down to 99c... they know I will probably holler for them to check out the deals.. Anyways, I digress.

As we talked and laughed I commented on how most moms who are insecure are the ones who try to push things on others. As events have occurred and reflections have been made in the hours following, what I shared is ringing truer.

Insecurity - it is mean, it is fierce, and it can lead to so much pain.  It has been a shadow in my life.  At times it is a wisp of a struggle, and at others it is a full-forced battle.  This has been my experience especially in parenting.

While many people who seem to have all of the parenting answers come across as secure, they often are more insecure than you would imagine.  Most of the time the facade is a cover-up for them not knowing what they are doing, and responding to the pressures to compete to do it right and to do it the best.  One big sign of insecurity is a person's unwillingness to learn from others.

I think what struck me tonight was not so much my struggles with insecurity so much as an insight into my growing in security.  There were two parenting situations I observed today that really resonated with me.  I felt like I learned something from both of these situations that I feel will help me be a better mom to my kids.  I think being able to learn is a sign of growing and become more secure.

I think I have been guilty at pushing things on others in a response of feeling judged and not good enough as a parent.  A huge chunk is also a response to the inferred belief that because people might be doing it differently I am doing it wrong and bad and I have to prove myself.

Sometimes I am guilty of pushing things on people because it pisses me off when they come across as having it all together, but they really are just struggling and doing things to make other people feel less-then.

(If you have been a recipient of this from me, I hope you will accept my apology.  If you want to talk about it, please let me know)

Regardless, it is wrong and unloving.  I don't think I am alone in this.  Parenting, especially, is hard.  The pressures to be good and do things right are hard enough - but we make things worse by acting out of insecurity and reacting rather than responding.

I'm sure this will continue to be a struggle, but a struggle is worth it.  I love learning, and so many of the best decisions and attitudes in parenting Jon and I have made/had have been rooted in learning from others.

The conversation I had with the girls tonight was awesome, and the conviction that I have probably been one of those women has been good for me to face.  It has also been so good to be encouraged by my growth as a parent, and simply in accepting myself a little more without having to prove or compare myself.