Awhile ago I came across a link on my friend's facebook page about the 10 myths about introverts: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts . As I read the list I was struck by how much of an introvert I truly am. I then borrowed that same friend's book: The Introvert Advantage. I began to feel more normal.
With reading about introversion a little more, I also found myself challenged in my relationships... especially with out-going extroverts.
There was one friend who really stood out in particular. She was a friend who overwhelmed me with her over-exuberance of care for me, and I felt very uncomfortable being so sought after as a friend. While this part had nothing to do with being an extrovert, the rest did. She had a ton of friends. She was very busy in life. I was a small segment of her life. Space came easily for her, and I soon found myself confused by her. When we hung out, it was as if we were sisters and best friends. Then time would go by, even though we lived close to one another, and I would wonder why we didn't talk more regularly.
For me, I love getting to know new people, but for the friends who seem to become like sisters, I want to share daily life, and to connect with them regularly. I don't have a ton of these friends who live nearby, currently, but I value those I have so deeply...
Some of the characteristics which differentiate between an introvert and an extrovert are breadth and depth. An extrovert is more of a breadth friend, who may go deep with friends, but is spread more thin - more is more. An introvert tends to go deeper with few, while she may have others who she doesn't go as deep with.
So, where was the epiphany in all of this? Well, my feelings got hurt... really hurt. I questioned my friend's genuineness in her care for me. I questioned her words. I questioned her reaching out. I felt it was a front. I cried many nights over feeling unloved by this friend who had struck me dumb with her affection when we first became friends. I cried because I felt like I finally trusted her, and then she seemed to disappear, and then jump back on the grid as if time had not been a factor. I felt unfair in even bring this to her attention.
Over reading up on introversion, I came to peace with her. Her relationships are all genuine. Her heart is really big. I can see that she loves me just as much as she says, but she is not like me in her relational needs with me.
That is the hard thing... how do you reconcile these differences?
Sometimes I wish I was more of an extrovert so that I wouldn't feel the pain I feel, but then I have to remind myself that being an extrovert doesn't numb you of pain. I have to remind myself that my needs are also beautiful and valid.
I still get my feelings hurt easily by people who are of the extrovert persuasion, and tend to have more friends then I can count. I wish I had the reconciling answer, and knew when to say something or not. Even though I don't have the answers, I feel like I have a different perspective. One that frees me from seeing myself of the failure in relationships, and lets me value others for who they are in my life... I wish this knowledge could just perfect itself in me so relationships could be much easier.. but it doesn't.
I hate overgeneralizing, and defining people into groups, but I appreciate distinctions. I appreciate the truths that stretch me to love deeper, and love better.
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