This is a very short list of choices, activities, expressions, and characteristics that I personally value.
I hope my kids will practice/live/experience all of these.
However, they don't live in a society that encourages them equally. We live in a culture where boys and girls are "gendered" based on characteristics such as these. Girls are to be quiet, sensitive, compassionate, and gentle. Boys are to be loud, domineering, good with their hands, can think in 3 dimensional pics (yes, I have heard this.. and I am a girl who can think in 3d objects and rotate them in my head), and need to be brave. To be a good girl or boy is to stick to the stereotypes and not cross over.
While boys and girls can be different, I often struggle when I hear people talking about "all boys" or "all girls" being "insert defining expression." It drives me crazy. One, two, or all of my kids often do not fall into the stereotype. Yet, that adult, and even that kid who really has no idea what they are talking about, voice their comment and alienate others, and make others feel less than for things about themselves. Is it an inferiority complex? Is it the need to feel better about yourself by defining who you are not?
I wonder how many of our current issues with suicide, self-harm, etc. have a root in someone telling/showing a kid how they were somehow wrong in who they were based on a characteristic. Maybe it was a little boy who was told he was too sensitive like a girl. Maybe it was a little girl who was told she was too loud for being a girl.
I see and hear the same things in my current season of life. I see and hear how dad's have to "watch" their kids, and are referred to almost as babysitters. Moms and even people outside of this season of life often look on fathers with extra sympathy if they have to take care of the kids alone - without the mom around. In many ways, men are looked at as being inferior. Many men seem to distance themselves emotionally from their kids. If a mom is staying at home, and the dad is working, I can see how the dad may not be "in" on how everything goes down during the day. However, aren't they both parents?
I already see how my son, especially, is being hurt by society when it comes to gender issues. His favorite color is pink. It makes me hurt for him and angry when I hear a little girl or boy tell him it is a "girl" color... and then I am furious at the parents who either encourage it, or just let it be. He nursed his Gerry when I was nursing Lina. I have heard many people comment on how "instinctive" it is for little girls to do this, but not for little boys. He likes fingernail polish on his toes - that was actually a struggle for us as parents. Jon and I had a long and good talk about that issue. How do you respond to others who give your child a look, stare openly, and even comment out loud - and I am not even talking about kids! Where do you protect your child, and help them learn to forgive the people who hurt them and be confident in who they are?
One thing we are learning with our kids is that they are different, and they are very much the same. We are choosing to teach them to live out who they are, and to work towards having characteristics that enable them to love others and themselves better - even if society may come at them because they aren't being a "boy" or "girl" in the way that is deemed appropriate.
When I am tempted to "gender" my kids, I often stop myself and think it through. I hope I continue to do this, and that Jon and I do a good job in encouraging our kids to be who they are, to embody characteristics that help them love themselves and others better, to accept others for who they are even if it is different from them, and to stand up for others who can't do it for themselves when someone tries to tell them how they aren't valuable.
No comments:
Post a Comment