When we die...

It all began one day when we were driving by a cemetery.  Ezzie asked me what all of the rocks were.  I explained that when people die, they are put in the ground and the rock shows us where they are.  He was upset by this, and told me he didn't think people should be put there when they died.  I then asked him where they should be put.  He didn't know, so I told him that they could be put in the street and other areas.  He was ok with that idea until I explained that we would run over them with our cars.  He then thought the burying idea was the better option.  Yes, that is how I reasoned that one - I do love the age of 4 where logic is understood - well, sometimes :)

Since then, Ezzie talks about death fairly regularly.  He is definitely this mama's boy.  He, like me, when tired, sad, or simply off, finds himself walking down the alleys of melancholy and sad thoughts.  Jon frequently is talking me through sadness, fear, and grief at night, and now I am doing the same for my boy.

So, death.  It is a topic.  It is hard, and it is good.

Last night was the clincher of conversations.  As Ezzie told me he didn't want to live with Jesus, because he wouldn't be with us, he told me how he never wanted to be apart from me.  As he spoke, I replied back the same with words and tears.  We talked about things relating to death and heaven and such, and we both agreed that death was sad, but we both shared the happiness in being free from getting our feelings hurt, experiencing being really angry and mad, and the emotions we both can understand about one another.

I walked away with tears still left in my eyes and such a full heart.  This is what being a parent is about.  This is the trust I want with my kids.  I want them to be able to talk to me about anything without the fear of being judged, ridiculed, lectured at, or feeling silly.  While I am mommy, and they do need to obey and respect me, I am also mommy who invites them in and allows them their space to be themselves and make their own choices.  It is a strange dynamic at times, while it is also so natural.  

Death will continue to be a discussion, as will other hard topics, and I welcome them.  Not because I have anything important to say, but because I get to journey with my kids.  Jon gets to journey with them.  We get to be close in heart and spirit - not just body and behavior.