Ezzie's First Day of School...

was this past Wednesday.  He is going to preschool at LETU every week for 2 hours.  It is a really neat program offered to children of people who work at or attend LETU.  The main teacher seems to be a mentor/teacher to college students getting their degrees in education.

Ezzie is a reserved kid when he is uncomfortable or overstimulated who is a follower by nature right now.  As soon as he gets comfortable, however, he can become loud.  When it comes to school - well, I must admit - it scares me.  It scares me that he will be in a classroom where the teacher will not function as an adult - but more like a reactive child who chooses to let the stress of kids and a poor administration dictate his/her approach to students, rather than his/her own passion and desire to be an adult who loves his/her students and chooses to be an adult.  I am afraid Ezzie will be picked on, pushed around, or that he will follow the kids who are loud and bullies, and that there will not be an adult willing to be an adult and step in.  I already see signs that point to this potentially being a problem.

When I dropped Ezzie off, I saw a group of kids we are friends with (about 10?), and a teacher and about 4 other assistants.  They were sitting there, and were engaged.  He walked right in.

I left with bittersweet feelings - excited for him, sad he is entering into school, grateful he is transitioning slowly, scared even more about future decisions, at peace even more about future decisions... such a complex experience of emotions!

I still worry about him as he grows up, and feel helpless so much of the time.  I want to protect him, I want him to see when he is being kind, when he is being unkind, I want him to choose for himself rather than blindly follow what other people are doing.  Overall though - I want him to honor God with his life.  You see - I know I can't be his everything - I don't want to - I make mistakes and bad choices like noone else's business. I am scared to trust him into any situation - but I know I can trust him into God's care and direction.

A good friend of mine encouraged me a week or so back - she passed on advice she had been given - pray to God for wisdom, and wait for His answer.  You see, I want His plan for Ezzie more than my own.  It is hard to trust - I hate feeling like things are out of my control - but I am so glad they are ultimately in His control.

Here are some fun pics from Ezzie's first day - he was SO excited.  Here he is with his friend Livi too.  The milk jugs were for making igloos - they weren't being taught how to milk a cow :)